Anne Jaeppel – How does my Race influence how I experience Race?

It is needless to say how much racism still is an issue in todays society. Only during the time of this project a delegate of the right wing party won in court after being accused of repeatedly stating the N-word during a discussion. This year several people that were believed to be of Chinese descent were discriminated against for fear of catching the Corona Virus, which started the #jenesuispasunvirus movement in France. The deeply racist right wing party AfD keeps getting an alarming amount of votes in state elections in the east of Germany and even the renowned newspaper „Die Zeit“ published an article with a chocolate marshmallow - which used to be referred to as „N*-kiss“ with the words „Am I still allowed to say that“. These are all examples of the current racial frame Germany is situated in right now.

This essay is part of a group work with two other white women that is called „Being White - How does my race influence how I experience race“ that is part of a course at Humboldt University called „What does it mean to be raced.“

We decided to focus on what it means to be white and thereby become more aware of our role as a white person and also since racism is inevitably a white problem. During the project Maria, Pauline and I interviewed several white people and People of Color, in this text several excerpts from different interviews are included.

After a short introduction of themselves we asked our interviewees the following questions „How has your life been shaped by race?“ and „When where you first aware of your race?“. While most people of color are constantly aware of their race, most white people, myself included ,have to think a little bit harder about that question.

When I told my friends I was doing this research project, people would often suggest to write about experiences from abroad during my travels in South East Asia or Central America. At that time I shared the same experience that any white person makes when they first find themselves in a non white often homogenous group where we are not the status quo. Suddenly I was attracting a lot of unwanted attention due to my light skin color, blonde hair and blue eyes; people asking me to pose for pictures, touching or even stealing my hair, being stared at in the street, extensive cat-calling, and so on. I couldn't really put a pin on why exactly I thought that this experience would not be suitable, but I found my answer in „Was weisse Menschen nicht über Rassismus hören wollen aber wissen sollten“ [What white people don't want to know about racism but should know] by Alice Hasters. Hasters wrote that her white friends tried to relate to her experience with „White gaze“ in Germany with their stories from abroad that were quite similar to my experience.[1] She argued that - while these experiences could be unpleasant - they are however entirely different from a person of color experiencing racism. As white people declared themselves (ourselves) the superior race of the world and spread this view while colonizing almost the entire world, this impact can still be felt today. However the attributes associated with white people are being wealthy or especially attractive so generally positive and placed higher as opposed to People of Color. Before conducting interviews I read up on racism and white privilege, white rage and white fragility. The literature I consulted seemed to agree that white people fail to consider the possibility that they could be racist since they believe themselves to be good people, believing that racism could only occur when there is a bad intention.

Arguably the most damage by white people to People of Color is caused by the small day-to-day micro aggressions. Robin di Angelo writes in the introduction of her book „White fragility“ „I believe that white progressives cause the most daily damage to people of color.“[2] Progressives here refers to white people that do not see themselves as racist or would say that they „get it“, but then invest their energy in proving that they are not racist rather than building an actual antiracist practice.

So with this in mind I expected the respective answers. However our interviews with People of Color did not necessarily confirm my expectation at first, as the answers that were given were much tamer than I would have thought. Here are some examples of answers I would NOT have expected: One from an interview from Maria and one from myself:

"I do not think that I am experiencing racism. I have always lived in a very welcoming neighborhood and I went to a great high school that was filled with people of all shades who embrace and celebrate diversity." – Participant #1 from Marie

Me: "What does being a Person of color mean to you, given the context that we will also ask white people this question?" Ben: (translated) "In that case it means that I am different. Different - Which I would not notice if I weren't treated differently. Of course with friends, relatives and close families this does not happen, however there are situations where one does notice it.

However during the course of the interviews we also received answers that would hint at some experienced micro aggressions, also during interactions with friends:

Participant #1: „There have been times when white friends of mine are singing along to a song and say the racial slurs. However, I have never said anything because I do not want to come across as “over-dramatic”. Despite the anger that it makes me feel, I often come to the conclusion that they are genuinely just not aware of the fact that there are some words you cannot say and that they are hurtful and degrading to others.“

Me: „Have you ever had the experience that a white friend of yours felt entitled to say something racist because you are friends with them?“ Ben: (translated) „No, I can’t confirm that. At least not intentionally. Maybe as a joke. But they did not justify it by knowing me they just generally did not think about the context.“ Me:(translated) „Did someone then also sing the n-word?“ Ben: (translated) „Yes that happened. Definitely. Especially under the influence from alcohol when self-regulation sinks. But later in life this happened less often.“

Me: (translated) „Did you say something against it? „ Ben: (translated) „I don't think so. I preferred not to deal with it. After I started studying I began to engage more because before I did not have the knowledge to reflect on this properly. I also did not want to. If you are one of the few people who is affected by this you do not want to put yourself on a pedestal because then it will be made a subject of discussion even more. If you ignore it, it will not blow out of proportion. If you do choose to discuss it there is also the possibility that some people might treat it as a challenge instead of a learning opportunity.“

These quotes highlighted two things for me. First, it shows that which events classify as racism are not always that clear as both participants partially downplayed the events and tried to justify the actions of the white people involved by their unknowingness or ignorance („I often come to the conclusion that they are genuinely just not aware...“; „At least not intentionally. Maybe as a joke. [...] They just generally did not think about the context.“). Furthermore, I found it interesting that at first both participants stated either, that they are not experiencing racism or that racism would not occur in the environment of friends and family. This relates, I believe, to the confusion that racism can only be intentional and appears only in extreme situations such as racial profiling.

The second point it showed were that their decision to not speak out about racist behavior here presents itself as a form of self protection and also from the experience that their critique would not be taken seriously and deemed „over-dramatic“ or of fear of the situation escalating and not wanting to be the center of attention. This does not only show the reactions of people of color to racist behavior but also indirectly the reactions of white people when being confronted with their racist remarks. Talking down the incident or starting a discussion as to whether a remark was racist or not are two classic ways white people react when being confronted with criticism.

Robin di Angelo outlined typical feelings and behaviors in which we (white people) react when our racism is challenged.[3] I added the last point „not taking the incident seriously“, as we found that this was often mentioned in interviews. In my opinion it is different from denial or avoidance - as denial is more active and might involve a discussion and avoidance can be also understood as avoiding situations in which ones racism might present itself or avoiding persons that would challenge ones racism.

We also asked our participants the question „Have you ever spoken out to your white friends when they say something racist? If you have, how did they react? How did it make you feel?“ Here are some of the answers we received from Marias Interview with „P2“, a white Men, Paulines interview with Meron and my interview with Ben, both Black Men.

„P2“: (translated) „Well that is a typical situation which I experienced during football training. Especially during my male 3rd league tram you have to say, okay quiet now and that they really have to think about what they just said. And generally you won’t achieve a change in thinking but rather be insulted yourself.“

Ben: (translated)“ Very different. Some actually feel attacked. I never said that they are racists, just that they are using common racist slurs. They really saw that as an affront. I said they needed more sensitivity because they cannot understand these situations. Some are quite open and try to reflect their behavior and others simply do not care.“

Meron: „Yeah I did of course, a lot of times. This is how they learn and try to understand even when they do mean it, like in a bad way. You don’t have to take it personal if you understand that people don’t know they don’t have the information, they don’t know anything about the story you know. That’s why I accept it but I need to tell them that it’s wrong and this is like how it works for me.“

The first answer shows that during an interaction in which only white people are involved, there is a certain feeling of complicity, of agreement that we, the white people, are the norm and in this free sphere of only likeminded people seemingly harmless remarks or jokes can be made without someone speaking up. If someone does speak up that person is often attacked - addressing the incident and criticizing it, is perceived as much worse than the initial racist remark and the white person here is seen as a sort of traitor.

In Ben's answer we find the typical feelings of white people - anger, they feel attacked and accused, or they do not care. However, both Ben and Meron mention that some people actually listen - so these answers give some hope.

Another typical attitude when asked about racism is color blindness. The „I don't see color“ or „I don’t care if you are white, Black, green or blue, I treat everyone equally“ are very typical sentences. Sadly the reality is different and we are not objective beings. White people experience life different than PoC, there are certain issues we simply do not have to deal with and if we simply claim that there is no difference we cannot discuss these issues and truly achieve equity.

Tupoka Ogette writes in her book „Exit Racism“ that the greatest Privilege of Whiteness, is to not belong to the Non-White Group. In order to be part of the white group there therefore has to be a non white group.[4] This detachment from the „other“ group is based on the racism that is deeply rooted in the system in which we are socialized.

We want to be seen as individuals and our own skin color is of little importance to us. That’s why it is difficult to include yourself in or even value the existence of the category white. Robin d Angelo mentions an incident during a coaching event on racism in the workplace that describes this quite well: „Karen is upset about a request from Joan, her only colleague of color, to stop talking over her. Karen doesn't understand what talking over Joan has to do with race; she is an extrovert and tends to talks over everyone. [...] While Karen sees herself as a unique individual, Joan sees Karen as a white individual. Being interrupted and talked over by white people is not a unique experience for Joan.“[5]

Being white brings a lot of privilege with it that we do not notice. First of all there is the a feeling of belonging. As far as I remember from my kindergarten to high school years, the majority if not all of the teachers were white. I see white people in movies and TV shows, the books I read describe white people and I can buy neutral make up that would match my skin color. Moreover than that I am way less likely to be pulled over when crossing borders, people have never had any stereotypical prejudices about me based on my skin color and if I didn't get a job or an apartment I can be sure that my skin color has had nothing to do with it. While I do have some restraints due to my gender, I experience freedom of movement, at least racially. I do not have to be afraid to be in certain parts of Berlin, where there are a lot of AfD rallies for example or Eastern Germany where the AfD is also rising or even small towns where I would likely belong racially.

A while back I was playing „Who Am I?“ (a game where you are assigned a known figure and have to guess with yes- and no-questions who you are) with 5 friends of mine, four of them white and one Black. The second question the black girl asked was „Am I Black?“. I would have never even thought of asking that question. I don't recall that I ever asked about my skin color during many games of „Who am I?“ and I certainly would not have chosen it as the second question I asked. However she might have assumed that in this environment we would pick a Black person for the only other Black person in the room.

In my introduction I mentioned that racism is a white problem. Let me tell you why: White people tend to think that racism is the problem of People of Color and thereby has nothing to do with us. However white people are as involved in this as people of color. If we simply take ourselves out of the discussion we ignore our involvement as well as our complicity. A symptom of this is the assumption, that People of Color have to explain racism to us and that it is only their task to fight against racism. However we have to become aware of our privileges and challenge our way of thinking and it should also be a white task to explain racism and object to racist behavior.

Note

1. Hasters, Alice, Was Weisse Menschen nicht über Rassismus hören wollen aber wissen sollten. München 2019, p. 42.

2. DiAngelo, Robin, White Fragility. Boston 2018, P. 5.

3. DiAngelo, Robin, White Fragility. Boston 2018, P. 119

4. Ogette, Tupoka „Exit Racism“ Münster 2017, P. 119

5. DiAngelo, Robin, White Fragility. Boston 2018, P. 107

Literature

Burke, Deborah, An Autoethnography of Whiteness. (Dissertation, Philosophy) Oregon State University 2007 DiAngelo, Robin, White Fragility. Boston 2018 Eddo-Lodge, Reni, Why I’m no longer talking to white people about race. London 2017 Kendi, Ibram X., How to be an antiracist. London 2019 Ogette, Tupoka „Exit Racism“ Münster 2017

Potter, J. E. The whiteness of silence: A critical autoethnography tale of a strategic rhetoric. 2015, The Qualitative Report, 20(9), 1434-1447. Hasters, Alice, Was Weisse Menschen nicht über Rassismus hören wollen aber wissen sollten. München 2019